Saturday, September 4, 2010

Just Like That- They Are Both Gone........

Mom is gone. She was admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital on Thursday September 2nd at 5:30 PM. I am broken, but it was a miracle.
Mother has digressed in the past two months to the point that even the home health workers were amazed. We tried everything. We brought her here to live with us (right next door) we fixed up her a little room with everything from her house to make her feel at home. She just got a little worse and little worse. She began to moan more and more and it became constant. She would just sit and say Oh God I want to go home, please let me go home. 

So after 6 weeks of that and not knowing what to do , we decided to let her go home. We moved everything back and fixed up her little house and installed cameras and baby monitors and took off the bathroom door in case she fell and we could not get to her. The camera was mounted in the corner of the living room and I could monitor it from my lap top at home. I could see her in her living room/kitchen and in her bedroom. The camera would turn just enough to see the entrance to the bathroom in order for her to have her privacy. I could here everything in the house thus she was safe.
We did that the 22nd of August. We thought she would be so happy, she was at home. That night I went over there to help her get ready for bed and tuck her in, after coming back home and sitting at my laptop I heard her praying. "Oh God please just let me go home". My heart was broken.. I cried myself to sleep. 

We continued to let her stay there hoping it would just take a bit of time but as time passed and she began to realize that she was alone and begging me to stay with her. I tried to explain that I could not live out there and  then began the wailing and wanting to go home and wanting not to be out there alone. So, I began to bring her over here at night. Let her sleep here and then spend her days in her home. Nothing worked. Nothing. 

This past Saturday mother had some sort of breakdown.  Her anxiety became very elevated and the wailing became much worse. She quit eating and went to bed. She was just digressing before my eyes.  Sunday was the same and then Monday the home health came in and they just had no answers for me. My brother  PE came over to see if just a change of face would help and it actually got a bit worse. By Tuesday morning she was still the same and now a bit more anxious so I took her to the ER.  After many many tests and CT scan on her head and IV and 3 Demerol shots in 5 hours mom did not calm down.

The ER doctor was very very kind and told me it was the dementia and explained to me that it will turn on a dime. I brought her home and she slept most of the afternoon. Wednesday morning, she was the same and at this point I knew that I could no longer keep my mom. I sat out on her pretty little deck all day Wednesday and just listened to her and cried. I could no longer reach my mom. 

Wednesday night I went over to mom's about 8:00 to bring her home with us for the night and by the time we got her to the back door she was out of control. I really thought I would need to call 911 and they would have to give her something to knock her out. She was wailing and slinging her feet and legs and arms and screaming to go home.  I finally got her calmed down enough to get her in bed, and she slept all night. 

Now--- The miracle that broke my heart........

Great grief, brings prayer from the heart that the mind cannot comprehend . I remember that I fell asleep praying in my prayer language Wednesday night talking to my Father God. Great grief gripped my soul.
Thursday morning she was still the same and it was then that I placed the call to my brother. I have always told him that when I can no longer care for Mom I would let him know and he had promised that he would take care of everything at that point. I made the call. I cried and cried ...
There is a wonderful Nursing home about 30 minutes from me that we have looked at a couple of times. It is clean and well kept and the people are wonderful.  He spent about two hours with the RN head of nursing and she was very very helpful and told us that of course mom would have a  place to live. She then told him about a  place right here in town where mother first needed to go.
They take them (Alzheimer's/Dementia patients ) and take them off all their medicine and clear their system and get them on medicine that will control their symptoms and give them quality of life. She explained to PE that if Mom got down there and they could not calm her down they would send her right back to this facility.
One phone call by me at 3:00 and explained what was going on and my brother Paul hurrying to town as he has Power of Attorney for mom and by 6:00 she was admitted to this wonderful place in the capable hands of a Dr that is a specialist in Geriatric care and grief counseling for those with Dementia/Alzheimer's
She will be there 7-14 days and get her off all medicine and then back on just the right medicine to get her back to be able to enjoy life and then she  will go from there to the Nursing Home in the near town.
Please pray for mom.  She needs a touch from the masters hand. 

Just like that.....  There were two and now there are none. Just like that Mom was gone from my home and I would never again tuck her into bed at night and kiss her cheek before she went to sleep. Just like that I did not need to try to get her to eat or take her medicine. Just like that she was gone.

Had I known that the night before would be her last here with me, I might had let her stay up longer or maybe I would have kissed her twice. Just like that just 60 days ago I had both my mom and Dad and now they are gone. I broke just minutes after leaving the facility, and I broke bad.

You see I have been taking care of Mom and Dad for over 8 years now. The first 4 was just kind of maintenance with Dr appointments and grocery shopping and necessary things for their comfort. The last 4 years was just about 24/7 and the last year was just constant care and just like that they are both gone.

It is now Saturday and my grief is no better.  Mom has called my brother three time begging to go home, but when he asks her where home is she just wails and says she does not know.  My heart is broken and I so covet your prayers for my mom. She needs for the Lord to touch her and give her peace.  

I believe that this is all from the Father God and HE provided a way for mom to get help and a way for me to not have to grieve anymore over not being able to reach her. HE promises that HE will provide a way of escape for us when things become unbearable and my care giving to my mom had become just that. The last two day she was here all I did was sob. Cannot live like that. She could not live like that. I was begging and begging the Father God to fix it, and fix it HE did.

I am eternally grateful that HE is providing for my mom and that HE loves her more than I do. I am grateful that when we do not understand HIS ways HE is still in control. I am grateful for the years that I have had out here with my mom and dad. I am grateful that HE trusted me enough to put them in my hands. I am thankful that no matter what happens from this day forward there is a day coming that we three, me and my mom and my dad will embrace and then walk the streets of heaven and have no more memory of pain and sadness.
We will just love and laugh.

Please please just pray for mom. She is suffering. 


  1. I so much LOVE you and I'm sure it wasnt a easy thing to do, but your getting stronger than ever in your faith and one day you will use this to help someone else out whos going through the exact same thing, your learning how to be a teacher for others and not even realizing it, I believe that with all my heart, GOD is using you in a way that will make you shine for others. You know I'll always pray for you and your family for GODS grace & love to cover you both. I love you but not near as much as our heavenly Father does...

    Love your sister in Christ~

  2. Oh Denise, your family is in my prayers. The strength and stamina you have is inspirational and I know God has a plan that will bring you peace of mind and peace of spirit. Please wrap yourself in the love from your memories and know that all will be His time. Trust.

    Big big hugs ~

  3. I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling, Denise. It sounds as though this doctor is on top of this and it will all level out after the meds are readjusted.

    My heart hurts for you and your Mom. I'm praying dear one, I'm praying.

  4. My mom took care of her mother for 10 years and had 2 nervous breakdowns during those I can certainly understand how hard it is to take care of a loved one, no matter how much we do love them. Mom finally had to say enough and thankfully one of her nieces was able to take my grandmother in. A year later she passed away from cancer. Mom felt so bad that she hadn't been there for her mom that last year but everyone told her that she had done more than enough for her mom and her mom knew that. So, dear Denise, I'm here to tell you that you can feel blessed that you were able to take care of your parents as long as you one, not even God, can ever say you didn't do enough. Your mom is now in a place where she will be given the help she needs and no doubt your brother is only too happy to do his part. My prayers are with all of you. xoxo

  5. ((( hugs ))) We're not there yet, but it's coming and I understand some of your pain. Prayers.

  6. Read this and thought of you....

    See, I have set before you an open
    door, and no one can shut it, for
    you have little strength have kept
    my word and have not denied my name.
    Rev. 3:8

    Love ya

  7. Oh my that is some surprise!!! Not sure I would have sent that one, but that's why He is in control and we are not yes? Take time for you and grieve. . .feel. .breathe. . I'm standing in the gap for you! You will get through this, you did the right thing! Love you my friend.

  8. I love you. The depth of your compassion and love and sacrifice for your parents has ministered to me. My time of letting go of my parents is just starting now. You have exemplified Christ in all your years with your folks. He has been by your side, and in your heart every day. Now, let Him carry this new burden. He died on the cross, rose from the dead to free you from your pain, and grief. I will pray for your mother hon, that the Lord gives her peace, and her time left on earth will be blessed with His ministering and love, and spared suffering. Love you.

  9. Dear Denise...I'm so sorry to read about all this happening these past few days...I was praying her little place would bring her peace and comfort...and yet keep close to you. You have done your best but now she is where she needs to be.Hang on your faith will keep you strong and you are a light for all of us dear friend...praying for you and yours...hugs, Linda

  10. Oh Honey, I am praying for you!!!! Big Hugs, sure wish I was there for you!!!!
    Margaret B

  11. Denise, You are a good person and a wonderful daughter! I shall pray for your Mom and more I shall pray for you to be strong...God bless you!

    big hugz

  12. Stunned...I know your just stunned. A switch a click of a moment in time. On if off, strain is relief. How wide a chasm you have vaulted in an instant in time. The path across it as steps in mid air. The way you were carried over the vast endless love of a God who knows every invisible step. Catch your breadth. Look back to the other side of the leap just taken. It may seem an eternity ago yet a very instant. It is that first step taken that is the hardest. Now just over coming the realization that you found the courage to do so. Trust that the steps you take are well ordered. Legs be shaky you did good.
    Loving you

  13. WOW - you've been thru it and then some. I'll be praying for you and your Mom - she looks like a sweetie. I would say that it is meds that are conflicting to cause her problems .. :( ((((HUGS))))

  14. Bless your sweet heart, my friend. She is suffering and so are you. I do pray for God's healing touch and peace for your mother. And I pray He will comfort you and give you peace. You have done all you can for her and more. You are a wonderful daughter. Love and Hugs ~

  15. Bless your sweet heart, my friend. She is suffering and so are you. I do pray for God's healing touch and peace for your mother. And I pray He will comfort you and give you peace. You have done all you can for her and more. You are a wonderful daughter. Love and Hugs ~

  16. Sweet sis, I am hurting with you, and for you. Prayers are being said for you, and your precious mom. I love you.

  17. This has been very hard on you - My heart grieves for both of you. ALZ is a horribly tormenting disease - and yet others live a peaceful life with it. It is a mystery indeed.

    You are honoring your mom by getting her the professional care - now you can visit without trying to solve the mystery.

    This has been a very hard year for you. I pray that mom is happy in her new home - but be prepared - it may not change. rest assured, though, that she is where she needs to be for her sake as well as yours. I have worked with seniors for 13 years - in their homes and in facilities. The staff of these homes treat them like family. They have a way of relating to them when family cannot. There is always an adjustment period - do not lose hope. I trust that she is in good hands.

    God bless you, dear,
    Patrina <")>><

  18. I am so sorry you're going through I sit here reading this, I have re-lived what went on with my mother which is similar in that I too had to make a call and admit I could not take care of my mother and after we put her in a home, she begged to go home (my house) and then a week later, she died. Still very hard to deal with....praying for you Denise.


  19. If I lived nearby, I would bring some Timmies, a box of tissue and we could cry together. After a while, we would laugh at how funny we looked with mascara all over the place and how some people think Tim Horton is the Prime Minister of Canada. I hope it's not long before you see signs of improvement that will comfort you.

  20. Oh Denise - so sorry you're going through so much. But I have to say, you've been a faithful, loving daughter. Praying for you and your sweet mama, but thankful the Lord is taking care of you both. My heart aches for you because it's never, ever easy to lose a parent, no matter how it happens. ♥

    Love you, friend.

  21. Sweet heart breaks with yours...this line you wrote speaks volumes...

    "I am grateful that HE trusted me enough to put them in my hands."

    He did trust you and now you can trust Him as His mighty hands take over...

    Praying for you all....

  22. Lean in to this computer and let me hug your neck! If only that were possible! I love you and am praying for you. I don't know the depth of this pain you are going through---BUT God does.

    Praying for HIS strength to be YOURS. As you lean on--rely on--and TRUST IN Him.

    I love you dearly my friend.

  23. You have done all that you can do. Bl!ess your heart

  24. Oh Denise, words cannot express the feelings I have for you. God will get you through this I know, because I have been there and watched my dad say I want to go home. Our Lord is watching over all of you and giving you the strenght you need to understand His plans. I had to wait before I could post because I couldn't see the monitor. Your post touched my heart and I will continue to pray for your mom and all of you. Take some time to relax and that can be done while praying or even crying. May God wrap His loving arms around you and comfort you in thie time of sorrow. I pray for a miracle that she will start to remember at least a little. It's very difficult to let go, because I haven't let go yet. I expect my parents to walk in at any given moment when I need them, but I know they are with me in spirit, just as your mom is, even though she can't remember much. Love, hugs, and many prayers to you Sweet Denise. Pat

  25. Dear my heart hurts for you. It hurts and yet I know that the relief and rest that is is well needed.
    You have walked the path that He wanted you to walk and you have done it faithfully.
    I do pray that your Mom will have those taking care of her that will love her tenderly. I know that as the days go by I have come to love those that I am working with at the nursing home. I love on them and give them sweet kisses on the head while I am caring for them. And God and I talk about them.
    I thank God for preparing the way for your Mom. And I thank Him in advance for giving you peace about this whole thing...and thank Him for the rest and rejuvenation that is coming to you.
    I love you!.....He loves you MORE! :)

  26. Denise,
    I'm praying for you and your Mama. I have been there and I understand that everyone's experience is different but I must tell you that I enjoyed my love one sooo much when I knew all I had to do is visit and enjoy them. Yes, it is very hard to leave them there but you know it is best for all involved. I will be praying for peace for your whole family.

    Love in Christ,


  27. Denise, I am so sorry, girlfriend. I know how hard this is for you, but God doesn't give us more than we can bear. I'm so glad HE is watching over you and your Mom. I am praying for you both.



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