Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Giving Thanks

Hard to imagine that Thanksgiving is on our doorsteps again... I just have no idea where this year went.

I hope you gals do not get tired of listening to me talk about Mom and Dad but it is told me that it is good for healing. I think that is the truth. My sweet husband has been my listener for 16 months now . Even saying that is hard for my mind to comprehend. 16 for Dad and 14 for Mom. I can say this with all sincerity that it does get better. I have a wonderful friend that is also a counselor and she says 18 months is very common for the grieving process. That is true.
My memories of those two little people have gone from the mistakes that I made while taking care of them to the wonderful times throughout my entire life that they were there for me. My memories of them while sitting here at home alone has brought smiles and out right laughter with no one to hear but me and perhaps them but I think not. Of course the Father God has shared those memories with me and I think that HE smiled just to see or here me laugh.

Have you ever given any thought to how the heart heals? I mean really give it some thought. I have. Twice in my life I have been cut to the spirit and all life seemly drained from my body. Twice in my life being broken would be an understatement and twice in my life I seemed to be broken beyond repair. In those times I just did not see the value of tomorrow and really did not believe that tomorrow would bring anything but yet again much sorrow. BUT tomorrow came and with it healing.

I have once again this past year given much thought to the wonders of this God that we serve. The heart, it can be broken but with no wounds for the eye of man to see only God. It breaks and it bleeds out and yet we continue to breath and yet we only breath but we do not do much living. Grief and sorrow are visible on our face and our countenance shows the world that the invisible fissures of the heart are just below the skin and bone in this body of our. We grieve. 

I really had no understand of the magnitude of grief until I experienced it first hand. It is not something that is expressed with any words I know, maybe you do but I find it impossible to express.. What does the bible say... with groanings that cannot be uttered. There it is.. How smart is our God. HE understands our groanings. Not for the ear of any man to understand, only groans, but to the Father God it is grief and sorrow given over to words that only HE hears. Then the healing begins.

Healed in my heart and wounds replaced with laughter. How in the world does HE do that. Groaning for a season has ended and now words of Thanksgiving have replace the sobs and tears. My heart where God resides they say. My heart that feels sorrow and pain and joy and laughter. Invisible to the human eye are the scars of many a wound yet HE sees and understands. It is a strange thing this "heart" of ours that only the Father God can reach. There are no scalpels or lasers or x-rays or any other human effort can touch and heal a heart. Only God. I am thankful that HE is here and HE is able to do such a thing. I am thankful.

Our Thanksgiving is going to on Sunday this years because of scheduling problems getting every one here but it is going to be very special for me. Both brothers will be here and it has been years since one of them could be here...... Of course Chris and his sweetie Tara will be here. HOWEVER there  is one other things that has my heart jumping with joy....  My oldest son will be here with my three grandchildren.OMG It will be the first time that he has celebrated a Thanksgiving with me in many many many years and I am THANKFUL. Once again the  Father God has wiped away those tears of the years lost and replaced them sounds of laughter of the good times. That is the God we serve.

I give thanks today for my sweet husband Dennis where would I be had it not been for the  patience he has afforded me this past 16 months. He has been the ear to listen to my sorrow, and he has been patient, he is a gift from God. I give thanks today for my son Chris that has been a stead fast presence in my life for many many years and has made me laugh more times that I can count, he does not just bring joy to my heart, he is joy. I am thankful for my son Darryl, it has been a long road back to where he and I have needed to be and he is happy to walk that path with me. I give thanks for the two older brothers, each so very different but each so very very special in my life. we are very close and I am thankful that they are a big part of my life. There is still a missing part to this family  but I am believing God that those wounds will heal and forgiveness will take the place of her hate and her heart will begin the healing process.

Then I give thanks to my Father God. Always there regardless if I feel that or not. Always there to bring healing and comfort. Always there to listen and bring guidance, Always there in the good times and always in the bad, Never judging, only loving, always understanding even when we are so very very foolish in word or deed. HE is steadfast and faithful and that my friend is something that we each and every one should be most thankful for this Thanksgiving season.
Happy Thanksgiving Mom and Dad, I know you are well and happy and enjoying the fruits of your faith. I am guessing that the feasts that you enjoy overshadow the feasts here in homes across this land like light overshadows darkness.  While we enjoy our feasts here on this earth we wait patiently and sometimes not so patient to feast once again with you in a place that knows no grief or sorrow, only laughter and hearts that are healed and whole and full of joy unspeakable. Love you both a lot..........

Happy Thanksgiving girls! I am so glad to call you friends......
Thanks for letting me bend your ear one more time to talk about Mom and Dad. I needed to share these feelings. 



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What a year........

Now we get to add earthquakes to our list of things that have been blasting Oklahoma this year....... Earthquakes......... what a trip that was....... I felt all three of them and the third one just unnerved me. That was three days in a row... Then the NEXT day, strong storms and a violent tornado with flash flooding and baseball size hail across the state. Our weather radio woke us up on Monday night at 12 midnight with flash flood warning. Kinda hard to get away from that as well as an earthquake. Whew! I am ready for a nice quiet winter with some snow and cold snuggling weather. 

We are still so busy painting the outside of the house and my sweet husband has made some beautiful shutters. I will take pictures soon. 

I have decided that for the next couple of months, actually through the winter  I am going to go to the fitness center at the University. They have a wonderful health club and with Dennis being employed there we get a big discount. They have all the machines and treadmills and bikes and weights and people there to help and coach me on the machines.  I have been out here a year and half now alone and it is time for me to get out of this house and get busy with life.  Come the Spring Semister at the college I am thinking of taking a class. Not sure what but maybe something fun like pottery or something serious like Religious Debate. (My husband says that they will kick me out after the first day)  I have strong opinions and I hate the word religion!   hahaha.......... We will see....  I need to get out and about. 

Just watched the debate. I will be glad when they begin to narrow that field down a bit. I know who I would love to see on the ballot and who I think would beat Obama but not sure if he is going to make it to the ticket or not. That is Newt Gingrich. He is very very intelligent and he would give Obama a run for his money in any debate. He has some baggage but he knows what he is talking about and he talks straight regardless of who is listening. I pray about it every day. Hope you are praying also. We need that man out of the office. We cannot afford another 4 years of Obama Nation. I like Herman Cain real well, but I am not sure he will survive this attack.  It is a shame as I think he would make a wonderful president. 

Well not much else going on here. Planning on a nice Thanksgiving with older brother PE and wife Alpha and son Chris and gal  Tara.   I think the 6 of us are going to plan some type of Christmas vacation this year instead of staying here... Not sure but we are talking  Florida maybe. Who knows...  

Hope you gals are all doing well, I miss my blog buddies ..   

Hugs ........

!-- gt;