Friday, April 23, 2010

Letting Go…

I had thought about posting this over at my Samaritan Women but then changed my mind.  I do not want it to be a devotional but I want to just share with you something said to me on Tuesday night. 

I took some time for myself and went over to my cousins for a jewelry party for just us gals.  I usually do not go to those type of parties as I am just not a Tupperware- Avon-Home Interior kinda person but for some reason this night I decided to go. 

Divine intervention that night.  It was a God appointment. 

There was a gal there that I have known since the 80’s but have not seen her but once in the past 20 some odd years as she lives out of state. She was here visiting my cousin and it was nice to see her again. 

She is one of those “real” Christian. I am sure that you understand that. She is so very very real and you know exactly who she is and she has no airs about her but she speaks the word of God with power and authority. She has always been someone that I love to sit and talk with about the things of the Lord.

She had been staying with Tisha  a few days and Tisha had the opportunity to share with her about my taking care of Mom and Dad and how very emotionally drained I have become. 

She and I had the opportunity to visit just a while on Tuesday night and what she shared with me has changed my mind and eased my heart. BUT on the other hand caused me to have to do something that goes against all my being.  
Let me explain.
The past three weeks has seen a very dramatic decline in Dad. He has stopped eating and if he gets 600 calories a day he is doing good. I have tried and tried to make him what he likes but no matter what I cook he eats very little. He is having stomach trouble which is something he has never experienced and much abdominal pain. The faster he fades the more emotionally strained I become. The harder I try to keep him alive.

Day after day half beside myself not knowing what to do to help him and not knowing what to do for Mom. She is very healthy and is thriving and eats real well but her Dementia/Alzheimer's is progressing at quite a rate now.  She never leaves her chair now. She gets up and dresses and sits down and never gets up again except to go to the bathroom.

I am doing the laundry and the dishes now and housework.  (I have a gal that comes in twice a week for a couple of house to clean and she is a blessing) so I am so very very concerned about Mom. 

I am praying and working myself into an emotional roller coaster trying to keep them alive.  I cannot sustain this. 

While talking to Patty at the jewelry party she shared with me what I believe to be right from the throne of God and even though it is from the Father God I have no yet been obedient to the word she spoke.
"You see she said, the Father God loves you very very much and HE watches over you as I care for your Mom and Dad and although HE loves them more than you love them HE will honor your prayer and your efforts to keep them alive."  I had to stop her at that point and give that some thought . HE honors my prayer.. I pray for HIM to help me with my Mom and Dad. I pray all the time for HIM to show me how to give them quality life. I pray….  
After a few minutes and some tears I ask her to continue..   "Release them to the Father God she said.  Just walk into that house and tell the Father God that you release them into HIS hands and let them go."

  Of course she suggested that I not do that out loud of course but to do it.  Speak to the Father God and give it all over to HIM to take and let all the decisions as to whether they live or die into HIS hands. 

You see I am not responsible to keep them alive but somehow I have taken that on and it is breaking me more and more each day.  I cannot tell  you the weight of that the past few months.  I am broken most of the time and it is effecting my life in many ways.  

I thank my Father God for coming to me Tuesday night via the heart of Patty. Her words struck my heart instantly and I knew what she was saying was from the Lord.  I have not yet walked into that house and whispered that prayer to the Father as my heart breaks when I go to open my mouth. Last night as I laid down and began to speak to the Lord the only thing that came out of my mouth was grace.. just cover us with your grace Lord, and I cried myself to sleep. 

Dad is very sick and sees a specialist on Monday to see why he is losing weight and sick at his stomach daily.    HE loves them so…….  I love them so……. and just to type this I sob… 
Pray for my Dad… 
Letting go hurts………….

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Happy Feet

Just wanted to stop by and SHARE!!!!!!!............  20lbs gone since the 15 of February.  Happy feet here in Oklahoma..........  
This raw food diet has been a bit of a challenge for me and some days I do not do well but for the most part I am doing well.  All sugar gone and all processed food and fast food out of my life.  I think the only thing that I really miss is meat!   I am a meat eater and would rather have a big piece of fried chicken than a hot fudge sundae.

Well maybe not a HOT FUDGE sundae just a plain ole sundae!  hahahahah

Sooooooooooo  it is a challenge for me,  but we do eat a piece of grilled salmon two or three times a week and I do enjoy that.  Next step for me will be making some sweets and puddings on this raw food quest.  Lots of recipes out there so it should not be too hard. 
Along with my elliptical and my total gym and now the POOL opened I plan on having the remaining 40 lbs off by the end of the year........... This is my year for Denise.  Time for me and get my body restored to good health. 

  I can take care of Mom and Dad and ME! I think that the Father God is ok with that don't you?  
Changing the subject, pictures of the garden and finished fence is coming.  We have been working hard in the yard all last week and now the garden is ready to plant.   Summertime it is my FAVORITE of all the season....  Digging in the dirt bring me GREAT JOY!

What about the summertime brings YOU great joy?        
!-- gt;