Friday, April 23, 2010

Letting Go…

I had thought about posting this over at my Samaritan Women but then changed my mind.  I do not want it to be a devotional but I want to just share with you something said to me on Tuesday night. 

I took some time for myself and went over to my cousins for a jewelry party for just us gals.  I usually do not go to those type of parties as I am just not a Tupperware- Avon-Home Interior kinda person but for some reason this night I decided to go. 

Divine intervention that night.  It was a God appointment. 

There was a gal there that I have known since the 80’s but have not seen her but once in the past 20 some odd years as she lives out of state. She was here visiting my cousin and it was nice to see her again. 

She is one of those “real” Christian. I am sure that you understand that. She is so very very real and you know exactly who she is and she has no airs about her but she speaks the word of God with power and authority. She has always been someone that I love to sit and talk with about the things of the Lord.

She had been staying with Tisha  a few days and Tisha had the opportunity to share with her about my taking care of Mom and Dad and how very emotionally drained I have become. 

She and I had the opportunity to visit just a while on Tuesday night and what she shared with me has changed my mind and eased my heart. BUT on the other hand caused me to have to do something that goes against all my being.  
Let me explain.
The past three weeks has seen a very dramatic decline in Dad. He has stopped eating and if he gets 600 calories a day he is doing good. I have tried and tried to make him what he likes but no matter what I cook he eats very little. He is having stomach trouble which is something he has never experienced and much abdominal pain. The faster he fades the more emotionally strained I become. The harder I try to keep him alive.

Day after day half beside myself not knowing what to do to help him and not knowing what to do for Mom. She is very healthy and is thriving and eats real well but her Dementia/Alzheimer's is progressing at quite a rate now.  She never leaves her chair now. She gets up and dresses and sits down and never gets up again except to go to the bathroom.

I am doing the laundry and the dishes now and housework.  (I have a gal that comes in twice a week for a couple of house to clean and she is a blessing) so I am so very very concerned about Mom. 

I am praying and working myself into an emotional roller coaster trying to keep them alive.  I cannot sustain this. 

While talking to Patty at the jewelry party she shared with me what I believe to be right from the throne of God and even though it is from the Father God I have no yet been obedient to the word she spoke.
"You see she said, the Father God loves you very very much and HE watches over you as I care for your Mom and Dad and although HE loves them more than you love them HE will honor your prayer and your efforts to keep them alive."  I had to stop her at that point and give that some thought . HE honors my prayer.. I pray for HIM to help me with my Mom and Dad. I pray all the time for HIM to show me how to give them quality life. I pray….  
After a few minutes and some tears I ask her to continue..   "Release them to the Father God she said.  Just walk into that house and tell the Father God that you release them into HIS hands and let them go."

  Of course she suggested that I not do that out loud of course but to do it.  Speak to the Father God and give it all over to HIM to take and let all the decisions as to whether they live or die into HIS hands. 

You see I am not responsible to keep them alive but somehow I have taken that on and it is breaking me more and more each day.  I cannot tell  you the weight of that the past few months.  I am broken most of the time and it is effecting my life in many ways.  

I thank my Father God for coming to me Tuesday night via the heart of Patty. Her words struck my heart instantly and I knew what she was saying was from the Lord.  I have not yet walked into that house and whispered that prayer to the Father as my heart breaks when I go to open my mouth. Last night as I laid down and began to speak to the Lord the only thing that came out of my mouth was grace.. just cover us with your grace Lord, and I cried myself to sleep. 

Dad is very sick and sees a specialist on Monday to see why he is losing weight and sick at his stomach daily.    HE loves them so…….  I love them so……. and just to type this I sob… 
Pray for my Dad… 
Letting go hurts………….


  1. He is so close to us and sometimes we need to be reminded. Bless you, Denise, Diane

  2. My dear sweet friend........
    My heart hurts for you and I can feel the angst in your words. I will pray for your mom and dad and for you. You are right. Letting go is hard. It is something that, as humans, don't want to do. We are selfish - and rightfully so because we LOVE our family. There is one thing that I had to do and that was to give my burden unto the Lord. It works. It really does. After I prayed for God to help my heart and to ease my pain, do you know I felt it? He is there...we just need to ask for help. I wish I could be there to sit and cry with you. If ever you need to talk, please email me and I will give you my phone number.

    With love and respect....

  3. Dennis < I so agree with your friend. It is often the very permission that they even need to go one home in His time. We often feel that we must hold on. When my sister died in January I had the honor of telling her that I let her go and thanking her for the honor of our shared lives. Her daughter told me that within an hour or so of saying goodbye to all of us she went home.
    She held on until she knew each of us let go. She was always like that others first.
    Not being needed is a very hard thing to accept...she was freed when she no longer needed to be there for every body else.
    This flows both ways.

    Letting go is a spiritual concept tough for the mind to get.

    When you have done all that you can do it is the time that another is needed to step in and offer the gifts of service they have to give. The person who serves is given a gift as well. I have watched those who care for the ill gain great blessings as the giver receives in and through the act.
    Do not withhold what another might need to receive from your folks. Or what another might be able to better afford your folks.
    There may come a day when your service is done and you let them go into other care.
    Knowing this Denise you have succeeded in your part.
    Knowing when to let go is NOT failure of doing your part.

    I hope this made sense to you.

  4. I have one other friend who had a mom who quit eating. I hope and pray there is some reason for it and that the dr. will be able to help. I pray for you - dear heart - that you will bear up under this burden - for we all carry our own ...
    God bless you and know that I don't know HOW I will get thru it either -
    My Mom is not as close as your Mom and Dad ...

    But I know this - a bug was on my windsheild and it was holding on for dear life one day and I got up to 50 mph and it was still there. And I confess that I tested the Lord - I said - If this bug makes it all the way home on the windshield - then I will believe that You will get me thru this (taking care of my MOm and her death) The bug made it ...
    (((HUGS)))) and hang in there with the Lord - He is as close as your breath...

  5. This is just so heart breaking, yes I sure can empathize with you. it is so hard in this role reversal, I went through it, and God does take over, and his will is done dear. Just do all you can, and love them, care for them, and let God do his job. Hugs my friend and certainly praying for you.
    Hugs Barbara

  6. I am so sorry that your heart is breaking. I will pray for you. Your friend is so right but she forgot to add. Cherish the time you are with them. Hug them often sit with them and just be with them. It is their time to go when the Lord calls but he is giving you a gift of time with them so look at it as a gift and enjoy it. They will be fine. But do not made this time a burden but a gift to be with them and just love them. Hug them often and tell them you love them. That is what is important.

  7. If you think that in "letting go" you've let them down, it's not true. You are and you have been an amazing daughter.

  8. I so wish I was standing right beside you right now and could give you a big comforting hug. I can't even imagine what you have been going through these last few months, taking it all upon your shoulders to try to keep both your parents alive and well. Patty is so right, you cannot keep doing that and although I know how hard letting go of a loved one is, it's something we must do and trust God to take care of it in His own way. My thoughts and prayers are with your parents, as well as with YOU!! xoxox

  9. Ahh, Praise God for your friend!!
    Thank you Lord,. . Denise hear HIS words. . .letting go is a time for you to prepare for their celebration.
    Donetta said it right. .it does flow both ways. when I was able to let go my dad said, well can we talk about me going home now?? He was waiting for us to let go so he could prepare.
    You will reach a new level and the joy will come my friend, love you!!

  10. Hey Denise - I also just made - yesterday - a raw granola - I figured - if you're baking it - that may cause more probs - so I'm trying it as a raw thing - I keep it in the refrig.

    That's cool for you - what changes have you noticed? Maybe do a post on it ... tell everyone? Hope your Dad is doing well. God bless!

  11. What a wonderful gift God gave you that night. What beautiful words she spoke to you. I haven't been through this yet, even with one parent, let alone both at one time. But I know my time is coming. I will try to remember this wisdom.

  12. Very powerful post... There was reason you went to this particular party - there are no coincidence with God.

    Praying for you and your family.

  13. Denise, I so understand your feelings!! Caring for our elderly parents is just not an easy task. My MIL has been told by her doctor that she is NOT to get out of her chair unassisted and she is not to walk because of her very poor balance. She is confused a lot and forgetful. It is very sad. She is also incontinent. We will do what we can, while we can.
    Your post was very helpful to me. Thank you. I am here for you anytime you need to vent!!! God listens to our prayers but friends are very good listeners too!

  14. Oh, Sweetie. {{hugs}}
    God sees your tears, He hears your prayers; He knows your heart. He won't give you more than you can bear. What you are going through is one of the hardest things in life, but He will see you through and give you the strength to release them in His own time. He'll do it for you.

    Bless you, dear friend. I know, I've been there.

  15. Dear Denise, your words are more profound to me than you know. I watched my dad battle Alzheimer's for quite some time. He showed early signs around his mid 50's and went home to be with the Lord at 70. He was an athlete in top physical condition, except for his brain when the Alzheimer's declared war.

    During that time, when my mother took care of him like an angel, I learned so much and gained so much through God's grace. God brought me to a place of total trust and surrender as only He can--through His grace. We cannot bring ourselves there. I learned that God loves my dad way more than I ever could and that His healing was even better than what I had in mind. I gained compassion and patience and a profound love for others who are suffering as did my mom. I gained trust in Him that does not always understand His methods but knows they are the best. My faith now is the type that does not need to see with my natural eyes. God's ultimate purpose is making us more in His image and He is...He is.

    Your prayer for His grace is just the right one. Only His grace will give you what you need and should it include you letting go, His grace will be sufficient.

    You and your loved ones are in my prayers.

  16. Sweet friend. I know the pain of letting go. You have carried this alone far too long...and Your Father wishes you to hand it all over to Him as your friend expressed. He never expects us to carry our burdens alone---but HE is the burden bearer.

    My heart is with you even though I am miles away. There is much "heavenly activity" going on around you I just imagine. God will show you things and teach you things about HIS love for you through all of this. Rest in His arms friend.

    Love you much.

  17. I know what you are going through...with my mother living with me and changing almost daily, I too realize she will not be around long....yes, maybe a few more months, but then I don't really know.

    It's hard..but I do ask for God to be merciful. Please go to my sister's blog and read about our beach trip with mother. Her blog is

    Praying for you....



  18. (((Denise)))...praying for that covering of grace...and thankful the Lord spoke to you through your friend...keep reaching up...He is reaching down to hold you up...

    Isaiah 41:10
    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (NLT)

  19. Between this post and this song I'm crying, letting go is one of the hardest human things to do when we LOVE... I'm learning this, but letting go also means to crab on, crab on to his hand!! this too I am learning, it may feel like a child like crab to you, but to GOD we are his children, so yea, we will hold like a child. I wish I could be there to hug you to cry together, to pray together but know you are ALWAYS with me in my
    heart. I LOVE YOU!!

  20. Girl....I have walked this path.
    But I sit here now and just want to give you a huge hug.
    I thank God for giving the doctors the wisdom they need to minister to your Dad. And I ask God to let you know just how near He is to you as you walk through your days.
    I am so glad that He spoke so clearly to you through this woman of God.....He loves you so tenderly.
    And this sister loves you too. :)

  21. Denise, there is not much more I could say that everyone has already said to you so I will just say ABBA Father loves you and your parents very much and I'm praying for you all.

    As one who has to lay my Grandpa at the altar of the LORD, my Grandma and my brother I understand the difficulty of letting go...even though it comes in different forms for everyone but the LORD is there hearing the prayers.

    Blessings and prayers...

  22. Love you, Denise, and I can relate to so much of what you're feeling and going through - even though you have cared far above and beyond anything I was able to do for my own parents in their last months. God bless you for your loving, giving, nurturing heart. I still get teary-eyed, thinking of hubby's precious, dear dad, whom we let go of earlier this month as he slipped over to heaven. We cried but we couldn't keep holding onto him. Praying Father's grace will undergird you and be your covering...that His strength will be your strength. So many of us love you and care. {{hugs}} Praying for your sweet father, and your mother, too.

    much, much love,

  23. My dear Friend, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to hold you up through this part of your ordeal. I am praying right now that you have the strength to hand your parents' lives over to our Father and have piece with the decision that He makes. Your friend is very wise. There is a time and a season for all things under heaven and only then will God make his decision. I'm praying His Will be done and that He gives you strength to accept that Will.


  24. Hi! Denise, just found your blog. Listening to your story flooded my soul with memories! I lost both my parents 11 months apart, Mom was gone 5yrs,in Nov.and dad was gone Dec. Alzeheimers took my mom, and heart disease took my dad! I was a caretaker for them and trust me it was very hard! But the "Grace" was so sufficient as He Promised!! Trust and Trust some more even when you don't feel like it! But also remember to take care of yourself! Mom's DR. told me if you don't take care of you,then you can't take care of them! The Lord will Bless you for the endevor that you are doing! Blessings of Peace to you! and Thank God for His definley appointed appointments.:)


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