Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Back To The Blog

It is time for me to get back to the blog and get my game on..........  (what does that mean)?   Thanks for the lovely emails and comments. I had a really really bad day yesterday but I think I have crossed a threshold.  At least I think I have.  

As most of you know I lost my precious dad on July 2nd and even typing that here it does not seem real.  He has been right here out side my back door for 3 years. I walked across that yard 3-4 time a day for a long time and the last few months I spent many hours over there..I think that I have not even began to grieve, however I now have my mom in the house with me and Dennis and I can tell you it has changed my life. I wish I could say for the good but no it is not for the good and I am really really working and adjusting. However with all my adjusting yesterday just caught up with me and I crashed.  

Mom has Dementia/Alzheimer's and her short term memory is about 3 minutes if that.  If that is not bad enough mom is a hypochondriac and has been for years and years and now with the D/A it very very exaggerated.  Most of the day she moans, and if you ask her what hurts she will tell you her head and by the time you get her a Motrin something for her head she says there is nothing wrong with her head and it is her back or her legs or her shoulders.  Hard to know when she really needs something for pain and when the hypochondria in her is talking.  AND that is 24/7, and hardly ever stops.

NOW ladies, I love my mom very very much but there are days..   
She has stopped asking for Dad and now she is wanting to go home, so I am hoping that will pass as well. Lots of days she cries a lot and that breaks my heart so I just cry with her. 

What a roller coaster ride I am on. 

Some of you have told me to make sure and get some help, but ladies the help that should have been here walked away without a second thought about mom or the rest of the family. We have a beautiful little house sitting right next door to us that was offered rent free to stay here and go to college (we offered to pay the tuition and books) she just had to live here and help with mom. She walked away and never looked back and has not even called mom. So be it.  We all make decisions in our lives that we will one day regret and I have no idea how she will handle what she has done. 

I have home health nurse coming in Mon-Wed-Fri. but they are here for just a half hour or so, and the aid and the PT girl is here on  Mondays and Thursdays to bath mom and to do her exercises, but they are here for just an hour or so.
I have hired a gal to come in on Wednesdays at 10-3 so I can plan any appointments like hair and shopping.  It helps but when you talk about 24/7 the few hours that they are here in the house is just not enough. 

BUT today I am much better and after letting go of such disappointment in the other person and letting go of some things that were just dragging me down and looking toward the Father God who is the author and finisher of my faith. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I have decided to leave FB for the most part, I will go over there some because there are friends there that are not blogger's but I am happy to be back here.

I was just overwhelmed with all the cards and ecards when I lost dad...  thank you again, and thank you for the prayers as I figure this out and take care of my mom. 
I am going to stop writing now and get out in the blog and visit.. I have sure missed each of you. 



  1. God love you, you do have your hands full,you and I could be sisters comparing notes my life is the very same as yours except I only have hubby helping no one else.
    Just take it one day at a time.

  2. Denise...I am so sorry your "help" did not come through...if I lived near you, I would be there in a flash...

    No words of advice...just prayers...and faith that God will work things out according to His plan...

  3. Wished I lived closer, I would help anyway I could sis. I love you.

  4. My Gran had dementia for the last 3 year of her life and its not easy to deal with.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Denise, I just want to say I love you. I am so sorry I have not been corresponding like I used to. I have just somehow strayed away and sort of gotten disconnected with my blogger friends. I have been visiting on an irregular basis, but without much commenting. After reading this post, my heart breaks for you. You were one of my first blogger friends and were such an encouragement to me. I just want you to know that I am so sorry that I have strayed from visiting with you. My heart aches for you and you are in my prayers. I know God will see you through this. You are truly a very special lady. We all need God's help. We all need each other's help...even if it only can be in the way of prayer. I love you girl. You hang in there and trust God to take care of everything.

  6. I am so sorry, Denise. I would have crashed long ago, I think! You will receive your reward someday. I know that Alzheimer's/Dementia are horrid to deal with, and the person becomes different - but the hypochondria on top of it. Oh, my! Bless you, friend.

  7. Oh dear heart, take care of yourself you have a very full plate and you are grieving you sweet daddy. Blogging should be at the bottom of your prayers are with you. God always gives us the strength to do what we need to. We too are goin' through the eldercare of parents and it can become life consuming.

    Take care and know you have many prayers bombarding the Heaven's in your behalf!

  8. I love and miss you too. I am so sad that the one who chose otherwise let you down so hard. I am still hoping. Perhaps a person to do her role. If that be an option I will pray for it.
    What you think? There has got to be a soul in the position that has character and is trust worthy. I know that is a real long shot. Cant help but hope for a way for you.

  9. Oh heart hurts for what I know you are going through.
    I know having some help come in helps....but it is still hard not to loose yourself in the hustle and bustle of taking care of another person. And of course if you are just doing what you can do to survive.....hubbies start to feel the neglect although they are fully aware of what is going on.
    I do pray that you can get some more extended help. I know that it would almost take a full weekend for me to even feel I was starting to relax.
    Praying that you get this worked into something that you can live with....I know it is hard.
    Love you girl and praying.

  10. Denise, you are so wonderful and I just love you for who you are, you are so passionate and strong, God loving and a beautiful spirit!!!!! I pray for strength Father God, I ask that you bless Denise for her hard work and ease the she carries.....thank you Jesus for my sweet friend!!!!
    Love you girlfriend!
    Margaret B

  11. I know it is hard, but at least you have the Lord on your side.


  12. Just wanted to pop in and say hi, how are you coping? I am thinking of you all the time, wishing we were loser....mentally sending you a big sister hug, love you!
    Margaret B

  13. Oh dear I meant to say closer....that looks bad....he he

  14. just thinking about you tonight
    love you girl

  15. Holding you, dear Denise, in my heart and mind!!

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