Just Like That- They Are Both Gone........

Mom is gone. She was admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital on Thursday September 2nd at 5:30 PM. I am broken, but it was a miracle.

Mother has digressed in the past two months to the point that even the home health workers were amazed. We tried everything. We brought her here to live with us (right next door) we fixed up her a little room with everything from her house to make her feel at home. She just got a little worse and little worse. She began to moan more and more and it became constant. She would just sit and say Oh God I want to go home, please let me go home. 

So after 6 weeks of that and not knowing what to do , we decided to let her go home. We moved everything back and fixed up her little house and installed cameras and baby monitors and took off the bathroom door in case she fell and we could not get to her. The camera was mounted in the corner of the living room and I could monitor it from my lap top at home. I could see her in her living room/kitchen and in her bedroom. The camera would turn just enough to see the entrance to the bathroom in order for her to have her privacy. I could here everything in the house thus she was safe.

We did that the 22nd of August. We thought she would be so happy, she was at home. That night I went over there to help her get ready for bed and tuck her in, after coming back home and sitting at my laptop I heard her praying. "Oh God please just let me go home". My heart was broken.. I cried myself to sleep. 

We continued to let her stay there hoping it would just take a bit of time but as time passed and she began to realize that she was alone and begging me to stay with her. I tried to explain that I could not live out there and  then began the wailing and wanting to go home and wanting not to be out there alone. So, I began to bring her over here at night. Let her sleep here and then spend her days in her home. Nothing worked. Nothing. 

This past Saturday mother had some sort of breakdown.  Her anxiety became very elevated and the wailing became much worse. She quit eating and went to bed. She was just digressing before my eyes.  Sunday was the same and then Monday the home health came in and they just had no answers for me. My brother  PE came over to see if just a change of face would help and it actually got a bit worse. By Tuesday morning she was still the same and now a bit more anxious so I took her to the ER.  After many many tests and CT scan on her head and IV and 3 Demerol shots in 5 hours mom did not calm down.

The ER doctor was very very kind and told me it was the dementia and explained to me that it will turn on a dime. I brought her home and she slept most of the afternoon. Wednesday morning, she was the same and at this point I knew that I could no longer keep my mom. I sat out on her pretty little deck all day Wednesday and just listened to her and cried. I could no longer reach my mom. 

Wednesday night I went over to mom's about 8:00 to bring her home with us for the night and by the time we got her to the back door she was out of control. I really thought I would need to call 911 and they would have to give her something to knock her out. She was wailing and slinging her feet and legs and arms and screaming to go home.  I finally got her calmed down enough to get her in bed, and she slept all night. 

Now--- The miracle that broke my heart........

Great grief, brings prayer from the heart that the mind cannot comprehend . I remember that I fell asleep praying in my prayer language Wednesday night talking to my Father God. Great grief gripped my soul.

Thursday morning she was still the same and it was then that I placed the call to my brother. I have always told him that when I can no longer care for Mom I would let him know and he had promised that he would take care of everything at that point. I made the call. I cried and cried ...

There is a wonderful Nursing home about 30 minutes from me that we have looked at a couple of times. It is clean and well kept and the people are wonderful.  He spent about two hours with the RN head of nursing and she was very very helpful and told us that of course mom would have a  place to live. She then told him about a  place right here in town where mother first needed to go.

They take them (Alzheimer's/Dementia patients ) and take them off all their medicine and clear their system and get them on medicine that will control their symptoms and give them quality of life. She explained to PE that if Mom got down there and they could not calm her down they would send her right back to this facility.
One phone call by me at 3:00 and explained what was going on and my brother Paul hurrying to town as he has Power of Attorney for mom and by 6:00 she was admitted to this wonderful place in the capable hands of a Dr that is a specialist in Geriatric care and grief counseling for those with Dementia/Alzheimer's
.

She will be there 7-14 days and get her off all medicine and then back on just the right medicine to get her back to be able to enjoy life and then she  will go from there to the Nursing Home in the near town.
Please pray for mom.  She needs a touch from the masters hand. 

Just like that.....  There were two and now there are none. Just like that Mom was gone from my home and I would never again tuck her into bed at night and kiss her cheek before she went to sleep. Just like that I did not need to try to get her to eat or take her medicine. Just like that she was gone.

Had I known that the night before would be her last here with me, I might had let her stay up longer or maybe I would have kissed her twice. Just like that just 60 days ago I had both my mom and Dad and now they are gone. I broke just minutes after leaving the facility, and I broke bad.

You see I have been taking care of Mom and Dad for over 8 years now. The first 4 was just kind of maintenance with Dr appointments and grocery shopping and necessary things for their comfort. The last 4 years was just about 24/7 and the last year was just constant care and just like that they are both gone.

It is now Saturday and my grief is no better.  Mom has called my brother three time begging to go home, but when he asks her where home is she just wails and says she does not know.  My heart is broken and I so covet your prayers for my mom. She needs for the Lord to touch her and give her peace.  

I believe that this is all from the Father God and HE provided a way for mom to get help and a way for me to not have to grieve anymore over not being able to reach her. HE promises that HE will provide a way of escape for us when things become unbearable and my care giving to my mom had become just that. The last two day she was here all I did was sob. Cannot live like that. She could not live like that. I was begging and begging the Father God to fix it, and fix it HE did.

I am eternally grateful that HE is providing for my mom and that HE loves her more than I do. I am grateful that when we do not understand HIS ways HE is still in control. I am grateful for the years that I have had out here with my mom and dad. I am grateful that HE trusted me enough to put them in my hands. I am thankful that no matter what happens from this day forward there is a day coming that we three, me and my mom and my dad will embrace and then walk the streets of heaven and have no more memory of pain and sadness.

We will just love and laugh.

Please please just pray for mom. She is suffering.