This morning it is quiet here. My sister is still with Mom so I have a day to just rest. I was unprepared for the death of my father. Of course I knew that one day he would go to be with the Lord but a heart cannot prepare for such grief. I understand today the total dependence of the love of the Christ that bore my grief, for without that gift we could not endure the pain.
The service was beautiful. My Dad was a grower for years and before the war he grew long stem red roses. Thus I had two beautiful arrangements made to sit each side of Dad and it was only long stem red roses. The air was filled with such a sweet smelling fragrance.
Dad had a military service with the 6 gun salute and taps. The Air-force was there in their dress blues and they folded the flag and presented the flag to my older brother. It was a day of great heartache but a day of great rejoicing. Dad was so weary and tired and now he dances.
While getting ready yesterday morning I was standing in front of my mirror fixing my hair and just as quickly as a blink of an eye I saw my Dad sitting on a bench. He was about 40 something and he had his feet crossed as that is they way that he sat. He was sitting sideways and there was a smile on his face. It was quickly gone and I was left with great peace.
He will be sitting there when I get to see him again.
Now comes the heart wrenching task of mother. Her dementia is progressing rapidly and she does not even remember yesterday or the grave side. She is 24/7 and I am not able to do that. We have found a wonderful place about 30 miles from here an that will be her new home soon. We have been there a couple of times and my brother Paul is a good friend of the owner an he knows most of the staff. That is a good thing.
I will struggle in the coming day and I peer across the yard at the little house where they have lived for 3 years. I know that in the coming months grief will turn to sweet memories and heaven has become and will become much sweeter for me.
Thank you for all the card and emails
Denise,
ReplyDeleteI praise GOD for your fathers beautiful service. I pray for Gods peace, comfort, and strength to rain down upon you and each of your family members!
Blessings, great big hugs, and lots of love and prayers,
andrea
You are your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Denise...
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you have found that peace...it does not lesson the grief, I know...I wondered about your Mom in these last few days if she knew that he was gone...I'm not sure if that is not easier...I watched my Dad grieve for my Mother for 16 months until his broken heart would not mend and he went to be with her...I know it will be hard to have to leave your Mom there but you cannot ruin your health being her caregiver...it can take a toll on you and your marriage...I send you warm and loving thoughts and say to you, claim the peace which passes all human understanding...He is there to carry this burden for you...
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Mama Bear
I'm unprepared for my Mom's death too. She's 85 this month. WOW!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that the Lord comforted you with the pix of your Dad sitting and resting ...
God bless you (I know he is) and focus on the scripture that says: He comforts ALL who mourn - for however long. I've been grieving these 28 years for my late hubby.
Hang in there and I'm glad your Mom is willing to go someplace safe where they will love her. (((hugs)))
Precious one...God is always there. Psalms 3:3. It is for you. I can't remember if I mailed you that verse or not, but everytime I think of you, that verse comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteI love you much!
Denise, my heart grieves along with you.....
ReplyDeleteThe decisions that have to be made, are truly heart-wrenching.....as many told me, I will say to you...it is for the best. You can not continue to care for your mother as she needs to be.
God bless you in this new season of your life. HE will truly get you through it all!
You're in my prayers.
~Beth
My sweet friend
ReplyDeleteI wish I could just give you a hug, you know my Momma says that when you leave this world and go and live in heaven that you are younger, when her & I have dreams about my brother he's younger and God gave you that vision of your daddy sitting on that bench with that smile cause he's enjoying the place we all are so excited to see one day and your daddy is letting you know hes just fine, I believe this....I know our heavenly father is holding in his arms when days are rough for you, I can picture him gently rubbing your head with his hands and his head is leaned up against your head. Your parents are so blessed to have you for a daughter. I know you've been struggling about wither or not to put your Mom in a home and I feel in my heart God lead you to that home and to have your brother know those people that own it, it was meant to be, God dont lead people to us just because, he leads them to us for a reason. I love my sister in Christ and my heart aches for you, for I know that pain you feel some times and I know God is taking care of you cause he takes care of all of his children....
Love your sister in Christ with hugs~
Annette
You and your family are in my thoughts. I lost both my parents years ago, and tho I realize they're no longer in pain or suffering here...they still remain in my heart. The good memories always make me smile!!
ReplyDeleteLEGEND OF MARY'S BEAN is my Friday blog.
Try to have a good day today, you remain always a friend.
What a beautiful vision you were given. The Lord knows just how to comfort us and what we need to give our hearts reassurance even when we don't think we need it. He knows we do. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI am loving you, and praying for you sis. So glad God gave you that vision of your dad. May God continue to love on you, and comfort you.
ReplyDeleteOh Denise, I have been away from my computer and so sorry to hear that your dad is gone, but I know he is looking down upon you. I know how you feel because my dad greived for 5 months until he went to meet His Lord and my mother. It has been 3 years and I still grieve from time to time, but then the sweet memories come and comfort me. May they do the same for you. Many Blessings that God will comfort you when you need Him the most. Love, hugs, and many prayers in your time of sorrow. Pat
ReplyDeleteDearest Denise,
ReplyDeletePlease accept my heartfelt sympathies for the loss of your beloved father. It was such a shock to read your news and I can imagine how hard it's been for you and your family. As for your mom, maybe it's a good thing that she doesn't remember much at all of the funeral and such. My heart goes out to all of you.
Since my return from my trip I've been spending lots of time with my mom. Ross is back in the hospital and it's bad news. They've found cancer in his stomach, lungs and colon...it's no wonder he couldn't eat. He's down to 110 lbs and the doctor has now given him a week to 4 weeks to live. Right now we can't go see him since it's immediate family only but his sons will try to get mom in tomorrow. It's just so all heartbreaking and I know that I need to be strong for mom.
Please know that my prayers are with you. xoxo
Denise.....I stopped by to let you know that I'm praying for you. This is such a beautiful post......Oh how wonderful our Father is to hold us, comfort us and carry us through these times.
ReplyDeleteI'm also praying for you and your mom as you make the transition to her next season of life. I pray that you'll be surrounded by His loving presence, peace and direction in the days ahead.
He is Faithful!
Jackie